Over the past 17 years, there’s been a consistent theme among my clients: needing more time for themselves. Not time to get things on their list done, but actual time to themselves and for themselves. Can you relate?
One of the top struggles that we tend to run up against is societal pressure and conditioning that’s made us feel like our productivity level is directly connected to our sense of value.
Layer all of that pressure with all of the other shoulds we’ve built our lives around, and it can feel next to impossible to even consider taking downtime or time to ourselves with so much demand for our time and attention.
The truth is, though, that we deserve quiet time to ourselves and with our own thoughts.
The truth is that we need time to ourselves and with our own thoughts if we want to feel prepared to show up as our best self where we’re needed and with others, and to be able to fully enjoy our life.
And, the truth is that our productivity has nothing to do with our value or worthiness.
We need time to rest and relax, and to process and decompress. And we need to be able to do all of that before we can even get to our own thoughts beyond the day-to-day. Without this time, it’s tough to truly know our Self because we lack the quiet time to sit and listen to— and hear— our Self. We need this time to unwind from and release all of the external noise so that we can really listen to our inner voice.
And let’s be honest— there’s a whole lot of external noise in the world right now.
Picture this: The radio or television is too loud. You may not be paying attention to it but you end up feeling irritated for no apparent reason and can’t even form a full thought. Then you realize how much the noise was overwhelming your brain and stressing you out and turn the sound off— and immediately feel a sense of relief and can focus again. (The same reason we turn down the music in the car when we need to focus on finding where we’re going!)
Now swap all of that excess noise for all of the demands you have on your time, all of the opinions others have about how you should live your life, all of the doom scrolling, the endless meetings at work, the persistent calls for your attention from your kids, and everything else that squeezes its way into your days.
What’s currently making the most noise in your life? How can you ever possibly hear yourself if you never turn off the noise?
We all need time with our own thoughts without the extra stimulation of conversation, feeling like we should be catching up on podcasts or audio books, watching that series that everyone’s been talking about, folding laundry, menu planning and ordering groceries for the week, or anything else outside of us. Just time to ourselves and for ourselves.
I understand that you may be thinking, “That all sounds great, but I just don’t see how any of that is possible with everything that I have going on.”
I feel you. I deal with that thought myself. “Just this one more thing and then I’ll…” isn’t an uncommon thought. But I have set some boundaries with myself so I’m able to have time for myself regularly, especially during busy (or stressful) times.
For example, in the days leading up to hosting a retreat, I have to be extra mindful of taking some time to myself this week. Hosting retreats takes a lot of focus and energy before and especially during the event so I know that I really need this time.
I quiet a number of things the week ahead of a retreat. For example, pausing current projects (even when I’m excited to work on them!) That’s okay. My head is filled with enough retreat details then, and that’s where my focus needs to be.
If I don’t turn off the noise of most things outside of the retreats, I run the risk of not providing my clients the best possible experience, not enjoying the retreats myself, and burning myself out. There’s absolutely no upside or reason for any of that.
What do you have going on that could use a little less of your focus right now?
We have the tendency to be exceptionally aware of how much we have to do on all of our lists. It’s as if checking things off the list develops into such a strong habit that it becomes the way of life, not to mention how much we choose to take on, and that we seem to forget to build in time for ourselves or make it a priority.
Worse yet, we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves— or for simply even wanting the time.
I’d be willing to bet that you are abundantly clear about all of the things that you need to do right now. Are you clear about your plan for time to yourself? When was the last time you had some time for just you?
Where can you reclaim some time for yourself this week?
Whether you call it self-care, self-love, me time, alone time, quiet time, or creating boundaries and allowing yourself to say no once in a while— you deserve this time. I assure you that the world won’t stop if you take a break. And I’d be willing to bet that life will feel and flow even better when you take this time— and make it a habit.
When you take this time to yourself, you’ll likely even end up creating more space in your life because you’ll be turning off the outside noise so you’ll be able to hear yourself. You’ll be able to get clear about things that are and are not working in your life. And when you see that something isn’t working, then you can reclaim space in your life by no longer allowing space for that thing.
Time to yourself can absolutely come in the form of a vacation, a retreat or a weekend getaway, but it doesn’t have to be that extravagant either.
Here are just a few ideas you may want to consider:
Going on a walk by yourself without feeling compelled to listen to anything other than the sounds around you.
Cooking a delicious, healthy meal and actually sitting down to mindfully savor every bite (rather than being preoccupied by scrolling or watching videos.)
Relaxing in your favorite comfy spot in your home listening to soft, soothing music with a cup of your favorite tea.
Taking a nap, with or without an alarm set. (I love a 15-minute reset nap almost daily!)
Actually going to bed at the time you always say you want to, even if you don’t fall asleep right away. Simply relax and let your thoughts wander beyond the to-do list.
Taking 20-30 minutes of quiet, hands-off time after work in your room (ideally with the door closed as the signal to others that it will have to wait a few minutes.)
Going on a weekend getaway by yourself, even if it means getting a hotel room in the next city over.
Cultivating a daily meditation practice. Everyone can take 10 minutes a day for this, even if it means getting up a few minutes earlier while the house is still quiet.
Sometimes something as simple as choosing to make an intentional perspective shift about an activity or how you do something (like choosing to not multitask by listening to something too) can begin to create more mental space without taking more time.
How will you bring some YOU time into your life? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you. I’m here to cheer you on and support you in your journey.
Enjoy the journey,
Julie
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